Articles, Journal Entry

July 15th 2015 – 2

As you like, but the mess won’t bother me, trust meIt is true that it is not often very orderly at his place … We keep discussing everything and nothing. Here I am at my door. We stop in front of my house. “Going home already? Don’t you want to come over for a drink at my place? I smile “With pleasure”. And we continue to his home. I go up my stairs. He tells me about his parents, about his high school, I listen to him attentively, a bit jealous when he describes to me his friendships – or more – with this or that girl. I take my shower. We’re sitting at his house, having a drink. I’m a little embarrassed, I tell him. “You know it’s quite disturbing to be there right with you, knowing that I like you (emphasis on ‘like’) and that you probably have a girlfriend…” He smiles at me, leans closer and leans in as if to tell me a secret. “I’ve been single for almost two months…” (Yay) I swallow in the loudest – and disgusting – way we’ve ever known. ” Ah yes ? “Yeah, and if you want to know everything, I like you too.” MENTAL JACKPOT, I’m drying my hair. “It’s a little weird but I read an article on the internet that said you can fall in love in 36 questions … shall we give it a try?” While the questions (and the ideal answers – of course) run through my head, I continue my routine. I eat a little, brush my teeth and go to bed. “4 minutes looking at each other without speaking?” Uh… ok ”And we look at each other without speaking, without moving. I bite my lip to keep from bursting into laughter. A habit that I’ve been desperately trying to get rid of since I read “Fifty Shades Of Gray”. His gaze is really intense, almost embarrassing: I have the impression of being stripped naked.

“Not that I would mind coming from him”… Ah I’m starting to talk to myself, sleep is o its way. I turn off the computer that serves as my sound diffuser and go to bed. ‘Tu tu tu tut’ the alarm clock rings at last. DELIVERY, the 4 minutes have passed but we are still looking at each other. He smiles in a way I have never seen and kisses me… It’s like a dream. Wait… I look around me. That’s right, I’m alone in my bed and it’s late. “Are you sleeping here tonight?” My thoughts are getting blurry. “Julia?” I wake up suddenly. It’s morning. Once again, I don’t know what happened next. If only I could finish this story.

7:51 am, I wait patiently in bed for my alarm to go off at 8:30 am. During this moment, I plan my day: water for tea, shower, breakfast, driving practice, work, shopping… All in order! But immediately it will be washroom! I have difficulty getting up, I don’t like to be pressed by my bladder. If only I peed less often.

8:30 am the alarm rings, I am already at breakfast. I’ll have to wait an hour before I leave. I turn on the computer, I check my emails (my 3 addresses), my facebook, that of my band and here it comes! The Blackout of real life.

We’re backstage, the first band has finished their set, it’ll be our turn soon, we’re playing at a festival: Glastonbury – only that – and we’re all shaking. I tried for a long time to impose a battle cry but I was always told “no”, and now we have a battle cry! “1 2 3 – NO! “- it was not that complicated! The boys run on stage I hear people screaming (and it scares me a little). “You’re up in 5, 4, 3, 2 go” someone yells into my headset. I run on stage, we play our songs and some of the audience sing along with me, they dance, they feel, it’s amazing! I lift my microphone.

I really lift my head. SHIT 10:30a.m. I missed driving practice again. Bah, I’ll go tomorrow. I put a Glastonbury Festival concert video on YouTube, any artist, I like the euphoria in those kinds of videos. Half an hour of fun. And there we go again. “Subway, work, sleep” you know the drill…

No stallion today in front of me, old men and women. If there had been yesterday’s guy… I continue reading, I’m almost at the end of this grandiose book.

At work today, nothing special happens, I finished my book, it was great.

No room on the way back, I am standing surrounded by sweating people. EW. I have my headphones on, it’s okay. If I was alone I could dance and sing. I did it. Really, I sang out loud. I’m sorry, I lower my sound and my head. I also change wagons because normal people don’t do that … How ironic… I’m the first to claim that it doesn’t matter what people think of you if YOU are happy with who you are. And here I am changing trains for a little untimely forgetfulness of civility. If I had dared, I would have continued by saying “Well this song is great! Don’t you think?” In the second train, I am silent, I focus on the tunnel in which we are. It’s much more exciting than music… HUM. I assume that it’s like that for everyone. We all think of doing things that are a little “crazy” and restrict ourselves to stick to our “box”. What if I don’t want to fit in the box? If I want to do great things while being myself, is that a problem? I’m fed up with constraints. Yes, yes I want to write, sing, act, help others and start a family. Yes I want to open a café AND go around the world, if they don’t believe me capable they go and show off. I’m confident. I am 20 years old and have thousands of projects, what I miss is a little organization and it will all flow!

(To be continued)

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